Saturday, January 05, 2008

The Switch...

There are some people in the world that seem to have an on/off switch for their emotions. Do you know anyone like that? One moment the switch is on and they care about you and the next, for no apparent reason, the switch is off and they want nothing to do with you. I know quite a few people like that and it never ceases to amaze me when the switch flips.

I guess this type of person isn't capable of deep emotion or true love or maybe they are just more evolved and have figured out a way to control their emotions in a way I never will and to be honest, never really want to.

I love deep, I love hard, I love forever. I still care deeply for the first man I ever loved. We were not destined to be and the love we shared wasn't a deep, "can't live without him" kind of love, but I loved him and he loved me. I never lost that love and I'm glad. I still have strong feelings for every man that I've had a relationship with and I suppose, me being me and all, I always will.

I think it's a good thing. I'm glad. It might be easier to have a flippable switch. It might take less out of a person and make the hardships in life easier to manage...but I'll take the pain and the sorrow and the joy and elation of loving deep.

I'll take the agony and the ecstasy of loving with abandon, with giving my whole heart, with throwing not only caution, but reason to the wind and loving with everything I've got. I truly believe that in the end, I will be richly rewarded.

By the way, I'm not talking about my current love life!


Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

From my observations, folks who seem to switch emotions on and off do feel the feelings, but for some reason—fear, shame, guilt, whatever—they do their best to conceal them. The person I remember who demonstrated this the most was a battalion commander I had in Germany. Whenever Colonel Johnson realized he was showing any feeling, his body went to attention and his face assumed the expression of those solders at Arlington who guard the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

NatureWoman said...

It may be easier to have a flippable switch. It always amazes me when people can say & act like they love someone and next moment they're with the wind.

Anvilcloud said...

I know what you mean. Some people can put former friends behind them very easily. It surprises me.

Anonymous said...

I've known people like that. When they're around, I always wonder if I'm being manipulated.

I've also known a lot of people who can compartmentalize their lives: "This is my love life, this is my religious life, this is my work life, this is my social life..." I don't get that. I've just got the one life, and it follows me wherever I go.

Pink said...

I would say that many people conceal their emotions too, although I'm not sure its because of fear or shame. I think some people just live much more of an introverted existence and there is much going on under the surface that others don't see.

When they get around to ending things, they have already done all their processing and have let go. Like the extrovert can't understand the apparent on/off switch, the introvert doesn't realise that other aren't living at their interior depths.

So, I don't think its true that those with an on off switch necessarily don't love deeply. Some are sociopaths, thats probable. But others are probably just introverts.

Thats my 2p worth.

Ur-spo said...

you will be hurt, but you will be alive.

Mary said...

Laurie, I have known some flippable switch men and women in my life. It's easy but they aren't living.

I'd rather love forever, too.


seventh sister said...

I think all love is forever. As long as you remember it.

Anonymous said...




Some people hug and some don't.
I only love with about 70%, the other 30% I keep hidden in case the 70% gets hurt. I'm just not much of a lover. But if it's any consolation, you're part of my 70%. :)

Squirl said...

People run from feelings a lot. They don't realize they have to face them eventually.

It's up to you who you date. But you are a super woman who gives deeply of herself. I hope you find someone who can give of himself as deeply to you.

KGMom said...

Laurie--here's a bit of a different take on people who can flip the switch.
Some years back, I was in a problem situation romantically and had to disconnect--flip the switch off. And I made myself do it. I could tell myself, you no longer need or want this person.
And, it worked.
It was the healthiest thing for me to do.
So, it was not something I did as a cold-hearted person, but something done for personal preservation

MsLittlePea said...

Some people do that to protect themselves. Sounds to me like you got it down.

Pam said...

I am like you, Laurie, I love hard and I love long. I've had a few "switchers" in my life and it always left me nonplussed. Are they afraid? Probably, but I also think there is a certain self-centeredness that goes with a quitter.

KGMom mentioned a situation where she had no choice, that I understand. But I don't think that's the kind of switcher you're talking about.

Laurie said...

Nick, I think the two people I'm talking about in this case are just incapable of deep love. The way they use their friends and cast them away just gives me that impression. I would like to think I'm wrong, as I used to care a great deal for both of them, but I honestly don't think I am. Thanks for commenting, Nick. As always your input is very interesting.

Pam, It's a shock, isn't it? Especially when you've been friends for years and years and then suddenly "poof"!

AC, Exactly! I am always surprised by it myself.

Thomas, it could be that...I am never sure. I tend to take people on face value, but then their actions prove me wrong. You'd think I'd learn.

Pink, I agree there are those that for one reason or another are unable to show their true emotions, but as you also said, some are just sociopaths...which I think is the case with these two.

Ur-spo, I think I'm onto something this time, as far as my love life is concerned. I do need to learn to choose my friends better though. Thank you!

Mary, right on! I completely agree with you.

Sister, I do too. That's a beautiful way to put it. My cousin (as he was dying) told me to read "Tuesdays with Morrie", in it the author said "death ends a life, not a relationship". What a fantastic statement.

Butterfly, as a result of being raped when I was a teenager, I held back a lot of my love, until I had my son. Now I love with abandon and yes, I've been hurt, by friends and lovers and lovers who became friends. But to me, it's still worth it. Thank you so much for commenting.

Squirl, I truly think I've found a keeper this time, but time will tell. I've lost a few friends recently, but I guess they were just showing their true colors and I will heal from it and be stronger for it. Thanks!

KG, I actually did that recently in an abusive friendship. So I know what you mean, and sometimes it's a matter of self-preservation. Good point.

Mspea, I have known those who do that. These two people, however, in my honest opinion, just don't really care about anyone but themselves. And that is their loss, but it doesn't make it any easier on those they hurt.

Pam, I think you've hit the nail on the head there! Self-centeredness seems to be the issue in this case anyway. Thank you so much for your incredible insight.

Within Without said...

If the switch with these two was on for a long time and then they suddenly shut it off, sounds like they're hiding something they don't want you to discover...

They're afraid of something. What happened to the trust of all those years?

In other situations, sometimes, the switch can be on but the light isn't always shed everywhere to make things clearly visible.

Then, when the lighting's improved, reality is right there...and the light switch is shut off, right or wrong.

It's all about seeing clearly and seeing everything, and sometimes that doesn't happen.