Monday, December 18, 2006

Too tired to think, so I'll just cut and paste...


An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared. The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office.

The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?" The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and he went to the spinster's home for the meeting to discuss her estate and the will.

The lawyer's first question was, "Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your will?"

She replied, "Besides the furniture and accessories you see here, I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank." "Tell me," the lawyer asked, "how would you like the $40,000 to be distributed?" The spinster said, "Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to notice when I pass on. I'd like to provide $35,000 for my funeral."

The lawyer remarked, "Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression on anyone who may not have taken much note of you! But tell me," he continued, "what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?"

The spinster replied, "As you know, I've never married, I've lived alone almost my entire life, and in fact I've never slept with a man. Before I die, I'd like you to use the $5,000 to arrange for a man to sleep with me."

"This is a very unusual request," the lawyer said, adding "but I'll see what I can do to arrange it and get back to you."

That evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the eccentric spinster and her weird request. After thinking about how much she could do around the house with $5,000 and with a bit of coaxing, she got her husband to agree to provide the service himself. She said, "I'll drive you over tomorrow morning, and wait in the car until you're finished."

The next morning, she drove him to the spinster's house and waited while he went into the house. She waited for over an hour, but her husband didn't come out. So she blew the car horn. Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck his head out and yelled, "Pick me up tomorrow, she's going to let the County bury her."

*Heavy Sigh*


Homo Escapeons said...

What a hoot!
Glad to meet you, I am within's best buddy so we usually show up in the same spots.
I have been perusing your blog and I enjoy your style...I once did a paper in College on Grizzly Bears being allowed to vote in Montana, is that still on the books?
I am sorry to hear that Montan' ain't too particular 'bout fellers who prefer is the 21st Century and we still can't get this through some people's heads!
Well the Vice President lived next door and his daughter is in the news because they are expecting. I often wonder how he manages to cope with all of the hardcore rednecks and pentecHOSTILES in his camp? Have you ever read much about that?
That would be interesting.

btw I am not gay but I did sleep at a Holiday Inn last I mean't to say that I have from time to time tried to establish sound scientific/biological rationalism for deconstructing all few of our 'labels'
(except when we are joking around I HATE political correctness)
concerning race/gender/musical orientation yadayadayada because there IS only 1 species of human and most of them are insanely tedious,

..sorry for blabbering...nice to meet you dmmgmfm.
Those damn WoO flying monkeys terrified me when I was kid!

dmmgmfm said...

Homo escapeons: Very nice to meet you as well, so good of you to visit. I've seen your comments from time to time and stopped at your blog too. A very interesting read, for sure. I’m still marveling over the “Love Swing”. At first blush, it looks quite interesting, but at my advanced age, I’d probably end up paralyzed from the neck down. I’m just not ready for that.

Montana is a beautiful state but I can't say we are a very progressive lot; although the medical marijuana initiative did pass, shocking the bejesus out of a lot of folks. I don’t know if Grizzly Bears can still vote in Montana, but it might explain why Conrad Burns was re-elected so many times

Your comment about staying at a Holiday Inn cracked me up; I once commented on someone’s blog that I wasn't (obviously) a writer but...well you know the rest.

As for the flying monkeys...they still scare the hell outta me! When I have the time and energy, I’ll blog about how I acquired that particular moniker.

Courtney said...

Okay, I'll admit it, I don't get it. Does it mean that the county buries people cheap so he's got a chance to 'earn' more of the 35,000 dollars?

dmmgmfm said...

Courtney: By George, I think you've got it!