Scrolling

I guess the day I am able to scroll through this blog and not cry my eyes out is the day they will bury me.  I absolutely love life and all that it entails, but the ending of life is something that I have a really difficult time dealing with and today is no exception.

Yesterday I drove from Denver, where my son, Emily and I are living, to Montana, to visit my brother.  On the way, I found out that my son's paternal grandmother had passed away.  My son hasn't been very close to his dad's side of the family for the past 13 or 14 years, and he hadn't seen her for at least that long, but there's no denying when you lose your last grandparent, it's difficult.

Wolf is doing alright, he says, but I know it's hard.  I just wish I could take the pain away.

Now here's a cute picture of Emily and my son's cat Willow to remind us how awesome life is.

Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone

My plans for the weekend fell through. It's a long and convoluted story, but I ended up spending a significant amount of time by myself for the first time since Dale's passing. I put some jazz on and cleaned the house. It's been awhile and it felt good to rid the carpet and bedding of cat hair and scour the bathroom. The kitchen is sparkling and my drawers are organized (for the most part--though my socks are still mismatched).

After I finished my household chores I put As Time Goes By: The Best of Jimmy Durante into the CD player, set it to repeat and shuffle, and sat down to continue reading Tuesdays with Morrie, a book that Dale had suggested I read several months ago. Since his death it had been recommended to Wolf and I several times and the timing seemed right for me to finish it today.

It was emotionally draining to read, but I'm very glad I did. The lessons in this book are beautiful:

“Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.”

“As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on—in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.”

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.”

I think I needed to hear exactly that right now.