Hold on, pain ends.

I was running errands today and found myself next to the Denver Bronco stadium. Of course I gawked like a tourist, but I didn't wreck or cause any accidents as far as I know, so life is still very good! ;) I was cruisin' along and saw some interesting shops so I stopped and browsed. I visited with employees and customers alike and then went merrily on my way. I was grinning like a fool over the fun I was having when I suddenly remembered an incident from my past. It was 1999 or so and I was living in a small town in Montana, population 250. The nearest "real" grocery store was 40 miles away in the largest city In Montana (pop 90k) and since we couldn't live on food from the 7/11 store, I had to shop there once a month. I hated the trips for many reasons. The traffic was horrible (in comparison to Bob, MT) and it terrified me. I'd drive to my destination, park quickly and run in, literally grab what I needed and then out again as fast as I could, saying very little to anyone. By the end of the trip I was always a basket case and it took me a few days to decompress and get back to "normal". Normal, mind you, was a continual state of fear and sadness. I hated myself and unconsciously felt that anyone who could possibly like me, (let along love me) had to be seriously flawed themselves. I pushed people away and hid myself away from anything that might possibly hurt me, which to me at the time was absolutely everything! I let very few people in through my walls, and no one knew the real me. I was absolutely convinced that if they did, they would run away screaming and never return.

It was late fall, and I was heading to Billings. As usual, I was anxious and afraid. I hurried through my list was shaking like a leaf when I finished my stops. A voice in my head was screaming "get out of here, get out of here, get out of here, get out of here, over and over in my head! I was pulling out of a business with this thought echoing madly in my mind, when I heard a loud car horn and the sound of brakes on pavement. I remember tensing for the collision and then nothing. The next thing I remember was waking up on the couch at home. I had no recollection of the past hour and a half or of how I'd gotten there. As soon as my head cleared, I ran out and checked the car for damage. What a huge relief that there was none! 

To this day I have no idea what happened, but I am very grateful that there was no accident. I went to my doc the next day and was put on medication. I took those meds for years, living a life free from episodes like that, but it wasn't a full life. I know that they are a must have for some folks, but I was not one of them. I felt cheated all of the time. Sure, I was spared from being soul wrenchingly sad, but I was also unable to be ecstatically happy about anything and for me, living in the middle zone of emotion was not all it was cracked up to be. After a few years that became intolerably dull but the fear of returning to "those" days kept me faithful. Finally, twelve years later, in 2011, I was able to heal my body, which in turn, healed my mind. Now I am dashing into stores, chit chatting with anyone and everyone, and driving all over Denver, a city with a population of somewhere around a million, without being concerned or worried at all! I cannot begin to express to you how grateful I am for how my life has turned out. For those of you in pain. Please remember to H.O.P.E.

Scrolling

I guess the day I am able to scroll through this blog and not cry my eyes out is the day they will bury me.  I absolutely love life and all that it entails, but the ending of life is something that I have a really difficult time dealing with and today is no exception.

Yesterday I drove from Denver, where my son, Emily and I are living, to Montana, to visit my brother.  On the way, I found out that my son's paternal grandmother had passed away.  My son hasn't been very close to his dad's side of the family for the past 13 or 14 years, and he hadn't seen her for at least that long, but there's no denying when you lose your last grandparent, it's difficult.

Wolf is doing alright, he says, but I know it's hard.  I just wish I could take the pain away.

Now here's a cute picture of Emily and my son's cat Willow to remind us how awesome life is.

The most amazing, superfine, awesome day!

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my life?  Probably not because I am such a slacker blogger, but I am here now to tell you I SO LOVE MY LIFE!  Two and almost a half years ago everything was a struggle. I worked 40 hours a week, made very little money, felt like (just being honest here) CRAP and even getting out of bed was an incredible struggle.  I was sad and sick and tired and sick and tired if you know what I mean.  Then everything changed.  A friend told me about the products I have been using since 1-1-11 and everything about my life has transformed!  Anyway, the reason I am telling you this is because I am now living each day to the fullest and enjoying every moment.  Yesterday, was NO exception!

My son and I decided to take the day off and we drove to the Colorado Springs area for the day.  We toured the Garden of the Gods and he took a plethora of awesome photos!

Moi!  

As you can see, it is a gorgeous place and one I highly recommend seeing!  After we finished our walk, we went to Manitou Springs for lunch!  We found an amazing little place called Adam's Mountain Cafe! It's right by a the creek and the food is not only healthy and organic, it is AMAZING!  I had the daily soup special which was turkey chipotle vegetable, a wonderful spring salad with chicken, cashews and balsamic vinaigrette dressing and it was all to die for!

All in all it was a most beautiful and fun filled day!  I hope you are enjoying every minute of this amazing season we call spring!  Live life to the fullest!  Go out and SEIZE the day!

The diagnosis is in...

It’s official. According to reliable sources I have B.A.D.D., and from the look of it, a fairly serious case. There is no known cure, although sometimes it clears up on its own, sometimes not. There is really no treatment, other than time.

Symptoms include lack of focus, inability to sit still for long periods of time and the urge to move ones legs and tap ones fingers to the rhythm of life. Other, not so typical symptoms, but ones that I have noticed in myself, are the desire to drive fast with the sunroof open and stereo turned up loud, the nearly insatiable longing to spend as much time as possible outside despite the still somewhat wintry weather, and the yearning to interact with others on a face-to-face basis.

Yes, folks, I have Blog Attention Deficit Disorder. It’s possible you’ve noticed my lack of comments, posts and participation in just about anything related to cyber-ia. It seems I’ve discovered that real life is more interesting… more fulfilling…more fun! Not that I don’t love you all and enjoy hearing about your lives and passions, because I do. It’s just that living in the present, in the here and now are more important to me right now.

Maybe it’s the hope that spring is on the way, maybe it’s a new way of life for me, I don’t know. I just know that I want and need to interact more with people in real life and one way to do that is to spend less time online.

I want to sing (much to the dismay of those around me), I want to dance (steel-toed boots for everyone), I want to hike, I want to camp, I want to LIVE life to the fullest extent possible while still avoiding jail time! Ha!

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I may post once in awhile, I may stop blogging completely. I just don’t know. What I do know is that I will check in on you all from time to time and I’d love to hear from you via email if you feel so inclined.

But for right now, I’ve got B.A.D.D., and it seems I’ve got it BAD.

Hugs,
Laurie

B-B-B-bad to the bone...

Yes, you heard it here folks, I'm a bad blogger (as if you didn't already know that)! It has been many weeks since my last blog post and at least a week since I read anyone else's. I can't remember the last time I left a pertinent comment on any of your blogs (maybe never) and I do apologize for that.

I guess I've just been too busy living life to the fullest to take the time to write about it. Between my crazy work schedule and my fun-filled personal life, I've got little time left over for sleeping, let alone blogging. I wish I did, because some very interesting and fun things have happened since I last updated and I even have the pictures to prove it if only I had time to download them and organize them into files.

For example; my brother and I threw a birthday party for one of the men at the nursing home where dad stays. Danny turned 65 on December 5 and Mike and I both took vacation to be there for him. He doesn't have much family and they don't visit often. Danny enjoyed the birthday party we threw for dad so much that we decided he needed one too. Danny's favorite activity is bingo so I had a friend make him a huge bingo cake. We brought gifts and balloons and nearly everyone at the nursing home came. It was a fun-filled, joyous occasion for all of us.

Another example; I had not been to a movie in a theater since Austin Powers (the first one) came out, and in the last 6 weeks I have been to 4 of them! I saw "The Bee Movie", "Hairspray", "Across the Universe" and "The Golden Compass"!

I had not been to a house party in literally decades and I have been to two of them in the recent past! I had a blast both times!

I've made new friends, gotten reacquainted with old ones and spent more time with my family than ever before.

It has been a wild ride, but a fun one. And to be honest, it's only beginning. I am happier than I ever thought I'd be and all because I'm letting go, living in the moment and opening myself up to life and love.

I highly recommend it.

Times, they are a'changin...

It is almost time to go back to my real life. It's funny, but I hardly remember what it was like. It's not that my "real life" was bad in any way, I've lived a very pleasant existence, but for over a month my reality has been; go see Dale, work from the hospital, come home to hang out with Wolf, work some more, go to bed, try to sleep, rinse and repeat. It sounds kind of nuts, but I've enjoyed it very much. Of course if Dale's outcome had been different, I would not be able to say that.

Sure, the traffic is crazy, my car was broken in to, I'm spending nearly every day at the hospital, I'm sleeping on the couch and the neighbors upstairs have lousy taste in music (can you say "turn down the base"?)...but still, I've rarely, if ever, felt more fulfilled or happy.

Why is that, I keep asking myself?

I've come to a several conclusions:

1. I am helping my cousin, who is a really good person in need of assistance. It is a wonderful feeling to be able to help him, even a little bit, in his time of need. I help people in my work every day and it is extremely fulfilling, but this is different. Entirely different.
   
2. I've gotten to know Cousin Dale better than I ever expected to. I've always adored him, and we've always been able to talk for hours, but now I know what is in his heart, and it's a very good heart.
   
3. I have been spending time with my son. Since he moved away several years ago, we've not had nearly enough time together. My trips here and his trips back to Montana have usually been short, hurried affairs, and it never felt like I had enough time to spend with him. On this trip we've had a lot of quality time together. I've seen the person he's become and I am very happy, proud and pleased.
   
4. I have spent countless hours donating blood products on this trip. I've given every blood product imaginable, as often as I was allowed to. If you are a healthy person, age 17 or over, and weigh 110# or more, please consider donating. The need is staggering. Every 3 seconds, someone needs blood. About 60 percent of the population are eligible to donate blood, yet less than five percent do. Whole blood can be given every 56 days, but you can donate platelets as often as twice a week. Platelet donation is relatively simple and painless and accomplished through Apheresis (ay-fur-ee-sis) which is a special kind of blood donation where blood is drawn from your arm through sterile tubing into a centrifuge. The centrifuge spins the blood to separate the components, which vary in weight and density. A port is opened along the spinning tubing at the level containing platelets. These platelets are drawn up into a collection bag, while the remaining blood components (red cells and plasma) are returned to you. Platelets are only viable for 5 days, so if you consider that a heart surgery patient requires 6 units of platelets and the average bone marrow transplant patient needs 120, you'll see that the need for donations is vast and continuous. So please, step up and help to save a life. Please, I beg of you, click here for more information.
   
5. And finally, I have learned a lot about myself on this trip. I'm a lot more self-confident these days, for one reason or another. I've learned to (don't laugh) navigate the big city (with help from my Virtual Navigator Lady) and managed to thwart a potential mugging (or worse). I've learned that car windows are just car windows and stereos are just stereos. Losing them, while frustrating, is not very important in the grand scheme of things. I've learned that a task that may seem overwhelming at first can usually be accomplished by taking it step by step. I've overcome my fear of hospitals, my fear of needles and my fear of escalators (don't ask). I've learned that the world is a big and often beautiful place and I think I'd like to explore more of it.
   

So now I am preparing to leave Denver and go back to my real life. Dale is doing well (see future post) and my presence here is no longer needed. I will probably leave on Monday morning to go back to eastern Montana. But I'm not the person I was when I left there. I've changed, in a great many ways. I am starting to see the big picture, now, and I know that I will never be the same.

Times, they are a changin'.

Update: Dale has had a setback, hopefully minor, and he is back in the hospital. I will be staying on for at least a few more days to be sure he is alright. I will keep you posted.