~If you pull out directly in front of me as I am driving on the winding two-lane highway that leads to my work, you had best be prepared to eventually reach speeds approximating the posted 60 mph limit.
~If there are 13 cars, 7 pickups, a semi and four mine busses behind you, it may be an indicator that you are traveling too slowly…either pick-up the pace, pull over on a side road or go home and never drive again.
~If you drive like a bat out of blazes, passing cars on blind corners and double yellow lines and find that you arrive at your destination within seconds of the first person you passed, you MIGHT have defeated your own purpose.
~If you meet a car and it has its hazard flashers on, NEWS FLASH—there is a hazard ahead. Now is an appropriate time to put on your brakes.
~If you look on the side of your steering wheel, somewhere there is a “stick”. If you push it down it indicates that you are turning right, if you push it up, it indicates that you are turning left. This is available on all newer models and you really should try it sometime.
~If you are hauling loose items in the back of your “pickup truck”, there is a strong possibility that they may blow out and be broken to bits upon the highway. This is Montana, ya fool; the wind blows here. If you are too stupid to tie things down, buy a topper shell or better yet move to where the wind does not blow.
And finally, last, but most certainly not least as I meet this Einstein every night on my way home from seeing daddy at the nursing home:
~ If you are driving your four-door Dodge Ram 4 X 4 Pickup with the 12 inch lift kit and the fog lamps as bright as the Seattle Airport Beacon, you had best either stay on your own side of the road, or dim your bright lights so that I might be able to see to pick my ditch.
By the way, that’s quite the commuter vehicle you’ve got there, Brainiac.
Thank you for letting me vent. I feel so much better.