Still Lost...

I’ve been here in Denver for nearly 3 weeks now. At first I thought I would never learn my way around the city, now I know I won’t. Even with the help of my Verizon Virtual Navigator Lady (V.V.N.L.), I still get lost at least once a day.

I recently took a “short cut” to Wolf’s apartment and ended up in a parking lot behind a veterinary clinic. My V.V.N.L. said, in a voice that strongly hinted of sarcasm, “You are not on a real road, would you like to me to try to help you find one?”

Once when I turned right instead of left and ended up on a toll road, she said, “You have veered rather far off of your course, would you like me to recalculate your route?”

There is the inevitable “Make the next available, legal U-Turn” and of course one of my favorites; “Recalculating route”, followed by a deep sigh. And I think as she gets to know me, she is putting more and more detail into her directions. Instead of saying, “Turn right onto US 36 East” she says “You need to start thinking about turning right onto US 36 East, not West, in the next 4 miles”, followed by “Don’t forget you need to turn right pretty soon, and that’s a right, not a left”, and finally the inevitable “Hey stupid, are you in the right lane yet?”

All in all, though…I think things are improving, directionally speaking. Today, for example, was a landmark day. Yes, folks, I actually made it all of the way to the hospital without taking a wrong turn. Not once was I scolded by V.V.N.L., not once did I run someone off the road by trying to make a lane change and not once did someone honk their horn at me for being a nanosecond slow to move after the light changed. In fact, several people actually waved to me today, although I’d never have guessed there were so many people in Denver missing all their fingers except for the middle one.