Just Another Lewis and Clark Adventure

Guess what?

Wow, it only took you one guess...yeah, you’re right, despite having the navigator lady to guide me, I got totally lost going to the airport to pick up Cousin Kay (aka Clark).

Here's my version of what happened.

I typed Denver International Airport into my Verizon Virtual Navigator (her name is Marcia, for those of you who are interested) and she immediately calculated the shortest and fastest route to my destination.

Completely trusting Marcia, I followed her directions to the letter. Not once (OK, maybe once) did she say, “Recalculating Route” or “Please make the next available legal U-Turn”. I was feeling so proud and full of myself. I kept thinking, this is so easy, why did I stay up half the night worrying about getting lost? I swerved in and out of traffic, navigating the big city streets with ease.

I drove and I drove and I drove, making lane changes where necessary and only getting the finger once (that I saw, anyway). I was oblivious to my surroundings until I was nearly run over by a bus. Marcia chose that moment to make the announcement that we were .4 miles from our destination. I looked about in dismay. How on earth do they land planes with all these houses around, I thought to myself?

I drove around the block several times. (Don’t laugh!) When it became obvious that I was NOT anywhere near the airport, I pulled over to the side of the road and Marcia and I had a little bit of a chat. Come to find out, when you do a GPS search for Denver International Airport (DIA) on the Verizon Navigator Network, there is a slight chance that you will be directed to a car service that will secure your vehicle in their lock down and then drive you to the airport. This service is conveniently located in the middle of the seediest part of downtown Denver and is approximately 16 miles from DIA.

After some gentle persuasion, Marcia "recalculated" the route and I finally ended up at DIA., about half an hour late and only a few minutes after Clark was escorted to the pickup zone by a kindly police man who found her wandering around the airport with a confused look on her face.

Oh yes, my fellow bloggers, you would have been so proud of me.

Still Lost...

I’ve been here in Denver for nearly 3 weeks now. At first I thought I would never learn my way around the city, now I know I won’t. Even with the help of my Verizon Virtual Navigator Lady (V.V.N.L.), I still get lost at least once a day.

I recently took a “short cut” to Wolf’s apartment and ended up in a parking lot behind a veterinary clinic. My V.V.N.L. said, in a voice that strongly hinted of sarcasm, “You are not on a real road, would you like to me to try to help you find one?”

Once when I turned right instead of left and ended up on a toll road, she said, “You have veered rather far off of your course, would you like me to recalculate your route?”

There is the inevitable “Make the next available, legal U-Turn” and of course one of my favorites; “Recalculating route”, followed by a deep sigh. And I think as she gets to know me, she is putting more and more detail into her directions. Instead of saying, “Turn right onto US 36 East” she says “You need to start thinking about turning right onto US 36 East, not West, in the next 4 miles”, followed by “Don’t forget you need to turn right pretty soon, and that’s a right, not a left”, and finally the inevitable “Hey stupid, are you in the right lane yet?”

All in all, though…I think things are improving, directionally speaking. Today, for example, was a landmark day. Yes, folks, I actually made it all of the way to the hospital without taking a wrong turn. Not once was I scolded by V.V.N.L., not once did I run someone off the road by trying to make a lane change and not once did someone honk their horn at me for being a nanosecond slow to move after the light changed. In fact, several people actually waved to me today, although I’d never have guessed there were so many people in Denver missing all their fingers except for the middle one.

The Last Lost Adventure (we can only hope)

As some of you may have noticed, I occasionally lose my way in conditions of heavy traffic or in unfamiliar territory. There have even been times when I’ve taken a misstep or two in somewhat recognizable areas. Okay, and maybe once or twice I’ve gotten lost in my own home, but come on people, who among us hasn’t lost our way going from the kitchen to the living room?

It has been pointed out (a time or two) that there are devices out there for people with my particular disability and some people have even suggested I look into procuring such an apparatus. With that in mind, I did a bit of research.

There are many wonderful navigational devices available for purchase.

There’s a Garmin hand-held device.

And there’s a Garmin navigational system that is mounted in the car. I see Mr. Garmin was able to locate High Street…



One can purchase a Magellan Road Mate,

or even a TOM TOM GO.

I seriously, and I do mean SERIOUSLY considered purchasing something along these lines or trading in my car for something equipped with Onstar.

However, because I have the world’s most incredible son, I no longer have to worry about getting lost!

Presenting for your viewing pleasure…

Not only can this device be used to take photos and make phone calls, this marvelous invention comes complete with VZ Navigator, including My Places, Local Search, and HELP! The help feature seemed especially appealing to my son. I’m not sure why.

All I have to do is type in (or do a search for) the destination address and this incredible piece of technology plots a course. It warns me when a turn is coming, even telling me what lane to be in! It suggests, in a sweet voice, that I should stay in the right lane and prepare for a right hand turn. A little gauge on the screen indicates how far, in feet, it is to the next turn-off and a large arrow points in the correct direction, just in case I mistake right for left (not that it could happen, this feature is for other folks...yea that’s right).

Anyway, I’ve been to the hospital numerous times. I’ve gone to Walmart, Target, Krogers and several other places in this bustling metropolis and I have yet to get lost to the point that my Navigator Lady can’t direct me home. Sure, there have been times I’ve tried her patience; “Please make the next available legal U-Turn” and “Recalculating Route” seem to be her favorite phrases, but for the most part we get along just fine.

Now if she could just make the traffic go away...